Jane Eyre (2011 film): a review

When it comes to the classic story of Jane Eyre, I'm totally there. I loved the book, and also thoroughly enjoyed the 2006 BBC miniseries starring Ruth Wilson. It's a great story with a wonderful sense of mystery running through it, and plenty of drama that never quite seems to veer into the cheesy or overly melodramatic.

So it was with great anticipation that I sat down to watch the 2011 movie adaptation with Mia Wasikowska, especially since it got rave reviews and a solid 85% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I was deeply disappointed.

This is about the dullest and most boring adaptation of a classic novel I have ever had the misfortune to witness. I can't quite put my finger on why, but the entire movie just dragged: the pace varied between 'glacial' and 'Oh look, an important plot point! *blink* Wait, I missed it!' The gothic mystery that, to me, is one of the defining characteristics of the tale was completely absent, as was any kind of chemistry between Jane and Mr Rochester.

In fact, for such a strong and emotionally-driven heroine, Jane shows an almost complete lack of emotion of any kind. Wasikowska's face displays all the expression of a doorknob, save for fleeting glimpses of tears when that oh-so-unrealistically-stolid wall finally breaks down. I'm sure many will argue that this is meant to be subtle, a reflection of the Jane we meet in Charlotte Bronte's original work, but to me, it was frustratingly lifeless.

Here's Jane, looking stoic.

And here she is again. Same expression.

And again.

Mildly perturbed, but...still mostly blank.

Apathy, side-lit.

And - hold on! Wait a minute! TEARS! EMOTION! Whoa, director! You've outdone yourself!

And back to stoicism again.

There's just no time for expression in the countryside.

Viewers unfamiliar with the story would most likely feel a little lost. Important plot points and pivotal scenes were slashed to just one or two lines of dialogue, seemingly in favour of non-speaking footage of Jane wandering around pointlessly looking blank, or a bizarre focus on irrelevant details (a lot of attention is paid to a painting in Thornfield with no apparent explanation or reason given). Some key elements of the story were left out entirely - Grace Poole wasn't even mentioned, for instance. I can understand the need from a director's point of view to cut out stuff that isn't necessary in order to squash a story into two hours of footage, but I think the 'cutting' in this case was too heavy-handed.

The ending is also very abrupt. And I hate abrupt endings. They leave things feeling unfinished.

The end.

My clothes are not there.

I am convinced that there is a parallel universe alongside our own, into which items of clothing on sale in shopping centres mysteriously vanish.

The Rift is clearly open in Sydney. Into that rift, all manner of dresses, tops, jackets, and the occasional pair of pants or a skirt, are pulled. The elegant, classy, tailored, or cute pieces of the fashion world. The ones that happen to lie perfectly within my price range.

But, perhaps most importantly: they all happen to be size 12 or 14.

Whatever extra-terrestrial life forms currently reside in the Sydney Rift don't want size 8, or 10, or 6, or even 16.  They only want 12 or 14. Especially if they're on sale at a reduced price.

How do I know this? Because by the time I get to the shops to resume the never-ending hunt for good clothing, my size is never there. I find the most wonderful things in size 8 and size 10. But there is never a size 12 or 14 left on the rack. Or even stored in the mysterious 'out the back'. They have evaporated from this world like an ice cube on hot tarmac.

Surely this is the only possible explanation. Because surely, if these sizes are so popular with shoppers like myself, and therefore they might sell out quickly, the manufacturers and stockists would decide to a) make more of them, and/or b) stock more. This would make obvious sense because it would be profitable for all involved, and shoppers would be content. It would be silly to stock the same number of every size. More girls are size 12/14 than size 8/10, and there are STACKS of size 8s and 10s left. Always.

Therefore, this remains the only plausible explanation for the lack of clothes in my size:

Job hunting

I currently have a casual job doing data entry a few days per month. My workplace is a great environment to work in, pays generously and I'm saved the hassle of dealing with the general public. The hours are great for while I'm at uni, because I don't have to juggle a regular part-time job while trying to finish forty six assignments and ward off complete mental meltdowns. It's not so good for when semester is over and I have oceans of free time but not a lot of cash in reserve.

Consequently I've been hunting around for jobs on a Christmas casual or part-time basis. I came across this absolute gem of a job ad. I'm thinking of applying, despite not being fully qualified.

Normally, I loathe and detest the need to write a different version of 'I am seeking employment and I'm generally awesome and you really ought to hire me, okay' cover letter for every application. This one, however, would be different.  It would probably go something like this.

Dear [insert name here],

I am a university student currently seeking employment over the Christmas period. I am writing in response to your ad placed on Seek.com.au, advertising for data aynalists.

Unfortunately, I do not consider myself to be a data aynalist. I am, however, currently employed on a casual basis as a data entry assistant, which has given me an excellent eye for detail. To demonstrate that this is not a mere fabrication designed to persuade you to give me a job, I have highlighted all the errors in the aforementioned job ad for your perusal below.

It strikes me that although you may be looking for a data analyst, you could probably also do with a decent proofreader - or at least, whoever actually wrote and submitted this ad could. Let me explain:

• The author was so unable to grasp the correct spelling of 'analyst' that they failed twice with two different permutations of the word.
• Other misspellings include 'immediately' and 'possess', both highlighted above.
• The phrase 'proven experience of high accuracy and speed' doesn't quite sound right, but that could just be the result of my brain turning to mush after a semester spent meticulously editing assignments, so I'll forgive that one for now.
• In the third sentence, there is a comma where there should, in fact, be a full stop, therefore starting a new sentence with 'To be considered...'.
• Last time I checked, I was pretty good at hitting ground runnings. However I think you're actually looking for someone who can hit the ground running instead.
• I can't 'provide data entry good speeds', because that just plain doesn't make sense. I can provide good data entry speeds though.
• Finally, you emphasise twice that you are after someone with a keen eye for detail. This much is desperately obvious.

My skills are primarily in the area of data entry (rather than analysis) and facetious proofreading. I may not be the data analyst that you seek, but if you are looking to employ someone who will work hard and spell words correctly, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Emma.

A to-do list of epicosity

In no particular order:

1. Clean my car
It is now so filthy that my sense of shame is more powerful than my hatred of car-washing.

2. Find employment
After keeping track of every cent I spent in 2011, I was pretty alarmed at the results. I mean, I knew I was spending beyond my means - but by that much? I have enough to see me scrape through one more year of uni.  Clearly I will need some in reserve for the end of 2012.  Time to find some additional way of earning it.

3. Start building a 'portfolio'
So I want to be a science writer in some capacity. And I've written almost no articles or anything to show for it! Ain't that a laugh.

4. Learn the Moonlight Sonata
The first bit, obviously (there are three movements; the third one is impossible.) The bit everyone knows and associates with 'The Moonlight Sonata'.  Because it's absolutely within my technical ability to play the piece. But being musically dyslexic (I find it nearly impossible to read sheet music), actually learning what notes to play is a far greater challenge.

5. See a psychologist
I guess this isn't something that most people make public, but thanks to the ubiquity of mental illness in society today, I wonder if the need to see a psychologist is more commonplace than people believe. I'm not sure what this says about society, or about psychology's place within it. The point is, for various reasons, I think it's something I need to do as well.

6. Take up pilates
A lifetime of bad posture is starting to make itself known to me in the form of chronic back pain and an inability to stand for very long periods without craving painkillers.  Apparently pilates is very good for this.

7. Find a new church
I think a fresh start might help me to actually 'be' the Christian I'm meant to be. The problem is overcoming my sheer laziness and overwhelming social anxiety.

8. Record decent versions of my songs
I feel pretentious calling myself a songwriter, but it's a hobby that I'm passionate about. There are at least a handful of songs I'm quite proud of, and would really love to see 'published' in musical form: properly recorded in a studio-type environment, with multiple instruments, and with vocals from someone who doesn't need Auto-Tune and copious amounts of reverb just to sound tolerable.

9. Maintain this blog and others
I have tried - with varying success - to write blogs previously. Only one has been anywhere near successful, both in terms of me writing regularly and in attracting more readers than myself and a few randoms who accidentally stumbled upon it while searching Google images.  Now I have this one, and also contribute to the general organisation and layout of another.

Blog Attempt # 23,694,121,734...

In the past, I've tried to set up blogs with varying success.  Usually they end up falling into the 'I just don't have time to write decent stuff on a regular basis!' category and I go back to unproductively playing video games and reading books during holidays, or working like crazy on assignments during uni semester.

This time, I am determined that it will be different.

And unlike past failed blogs, which were narrowly focussed on certain interests of mine, this one will include ALL of the interests: books that I like! Science ideas! Ranting about pop culture! Personal whatevers! And so forth.

I hope I will have motivation this time.

As for an introduction (but who am I kidding? No one will read this), at the time of writing this I'm 21, live in Sydney, looking in terror at the end of a bachelor's degree in science (biology major), and hoping to somehow find my way into the field of science communication, preferably via some more uni study next year.  I like to write, I play piano, I'm more than a little bit neurotic, and am chronically single. That just about sums it up for now.

But here, look - this is my cat.

Cute even with a bucket on her head.